Authored by: Anonymous on Tuesday, December 25 2012 @ 12:38 pm UTC

Very interesting...I love the ctheacarrs and the tension - wow!I love your description of the scene you do a great job of showing and not telling. In terms of concrit, I would encourage you not to use a "give-away" word like 'livid':"He's livid, maybe even beyond and his yelling is using every muscle in his body.She glances up as he catches his breath to see the vein in his forehead pulsating.His big brown eyes are bulging at her, daring her to have a response."Your description does such a great job at SHOWING livid, you can easily drop this adjective and let your reader pick up for themselves! Can't wait to read more... and welcome to Write on Edge if this is your first!

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